Lakeside School

The following is an extended excerpt of a speech by T.J. Vassar III ' 94, who spoke on behalf of his family at the grand opening of the T.J. Vassar ’68 Center for the Sciences and Humanities. The building is named in honor of his father. 

…. I want to take a few minutes to talk about something deeply important: your narrative. In one phrase — just one — how would you define the narrative of your life?

It's a simple question, but not an easy one. And yet, I believe it's one of the most important questions we can ever ask ourselves. Because there is real power in being able to clearly articulate the story of your life.

So, what is a narrative? A narrative is the thread that connects the events of your life into a meaningful story. Now, we're all pretty good at talking about events. We can tell each other where we were born and raised, where we went to school, the careers we've pursued, the people we've loved, the families we've built. We can talk about our successes and our struggles. And through those events, we get to know each other.

But here's the deeper question: What is the thread that ties all of those moments together? What is the storyline that gives those events meaning? Because without that thread — without that narrative — life can start to feel like a random sequence of moments. Things that simply happen to us.

But when you have a narrative — when you define it with intention — something shifts. You begin to live life with purpose. You begin to shape the meaning of your experiences, instead of letting your experiences define you. And in that sense, you become the author of your own story.

Napoleon Hill once wrote "the mind becomes what it dwells upon." And, in many ways, your narrative is exactly that: it is the story your mind chooses to dwell upon; the meaning you assign to your life. So the question isn't just, what has happened to you? The question is: What story are you choosing to tell? And maybe even more importantly: What story are you choosing to live going forward? Because when you define your narrative, you don't just connect your past, you begin to direct your future. And that is a powerful way to live.

Here are a few examples of narrative in a phrase:

• Seeking and finding love.
• Overcoming all odds.
• Building a strong family.
• Victory over addiction.
• Chasing success.
• Rags to riches.
• Forgiven and forgiving.

These are just examples of a life narrative, in a phrase. All of the events of your life have this storyline. Maybe you can identify with one of those and say that totally applies to me or maybe even two or more.

You know, one thing I can tell you for certain: My father had a clear narrative for his life. And it wasn't just clear — it was powerful. So powerful, in fact, that it's the very reason we are all gathered here tonight, to honor him. My father didn't just live a series of events — he lived a story. A story rooted in belief. Because at its core, belief is holding on to something that you cannot prove and choosing to build your life around it anyway. That's how he lived. He believed in people. He believed in possibility. He believed in a future that, at times, others couldn't see yet. And that belief system gave him something extraordinary.

It gave him the ability to build bridges — across differences, across doubt, across barriers that, for many, felt impossible to cross. He had a way of walking into a room and not just being seen — his presence was felt. You could hear his laugh, you could see that smile. But more importantly, you could feel that he genuinely cared. And that was his superpower. He saw people. He remembered the details of their lives. What school you wanted to go to. What team you were trying to make. What club you dreamed of starting. What class or activity lit you up inside. He paid attention in a way that made people feel valued and, more importantly, capable. And when someone feels seen and believed in, something changes. They begin to believe in themselves.

Napoleon Hill talked about the power of belief: that when you truly believe in something, you can influence not only your own reality but the reality of others. That was my father. He believed so deeply in the potential of others that he helped them see it for themselves. And in doing so, he didn't just change individual lives. He changed communities. He changed institutions. And he changed what people believed was possible.

So, I'll leave you with this: What is your narrative — in a single sentence? .... I'll share the narrative I try to live by now — and I encourage each of you to find your own. Mine is simple: To love the world around me, as I am loved by God. Now, I say try — because I won't do it perfectly. There will be days I fall short.

But I will keep trying. Because if my father taught me anything, it's that a life rooted in belief, guided by purpose, and lived in service to others is a life that leaves a lasting impact. And if we can each find a narrative like that and live it, day by day, then maybe, just maybe — we can carry forward a little piece of what made him so special. Thank you.