An Independent School • Grades 5-12
April at the Middle School: a surprising moment of applause

by Reem Abu Rahmeh, assistant head of school/Middle School director

A couple of weeks ago, our middle school students gathered to review results from the most recent Authentic Connections survey, which we ask them to complete to help us better and more specifically understand how our school environment is supporting students’ health and well-being. As part of that presentation, we shared slides on what we learned from that survey data, mainly focused on belonging, relationships, and health behaviors. 

One slide, in particular, prompted an unexpected reaction. When students saw the data points on substance use, specifically that 100% of Lakeside Middle School students reported not having been drunk in the past 30 days, that 100% have not smoked or vaped nicotine, and that 100% have not used marijuana, the room erupted in applause and cheering. It was not prompted or orchestrated. It was spontaneous and genuine. 

I have been thinking about that moment ever since.

As adults, we sometimes carry a quiet assumption about adolescence: that because middle school is a time when students are naturally drawn toward risky behavior, testing limits, and pushing boundaries, certain genuinely unhealthy behaviors are inevitable. While it’s certainly true that adolescents are developmentally drawn to exploring their independence, this moment in community meeting provided a powerful insight into our students’ experience. 

What we witnessed was not disappointment or skepticism. It was relief. Relief that their peers were making healthy choices. Relief that “what everyone else is doing” was not, in fact, something truly unsafe. Relief that the norm in their community aligned with their own better instincts.

This aligns closely with research highlighted in David S. Yeager’s book “10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People”, which explores how adolescents are often misunderstood. One of Yeager’s key points is that young people are highly sensitive to social norms, but not always in the way we think. They are not simply drawn to rebellion for its own sake; rather, they are deeply motivated by what they believe is typical, accepted, and respected within their peer group. When the perceived norm is positive, students tend to rise to meet it.

That’s what made this moment so powerful. The data made visible a question that students often wonder about quietly: “What are other kids actually doing?” In this case, the answer was reassuring. The healthy choice was the norm rather than the exception. 

For parents and guardians, this offers an important takeaway. Conversations about adolescent behavior often focus on warning, prevention, and protection. While those are important, it is equally important to name and reinforce the positive norms that already exist within a community. When young people believe that “most kids are making good choices,” it strengthens their own ability to do the same. Belonging, in this way, becomes a kind of protection.

As a school, we’re always thinking about how to make those positive norms more visible through advisory, through reflecting on survey results, and through everyday conversations that help students see the kind of community they’re actually a part of. This is a place where students can learn, grow, push boundaries, make mistakes, and take risks while grounded in a culture that values their ethical spirits and healthy bodies. They don’t have to be perfect, but they also don’t have to violate their own values or endanger themselves to fit in.

That moment of applause wasn’t really about a statistic. It was about students recognizing something good about their community and feeling proud to be a part of it. It’s a helpful reminder that our middle schoolers pay close attention, care about each other, and want to do what’s right. 

Important dates for April


Reem Abu Rahmeh is Lakeside’s assistant head of school and Middle School director. You can reach her at info@lakesideschool.site and 206-440-2772.

 

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