Lakeside School

This October—amidst the hustle and bustle leading up to the infamous Nov. 1 college deadline— I was invited to join a college counselor tour of five campuses in Massachusetts. The crisp New England air, colorful foliage painting the campuses, and idyllic landscape of Northampton were the perfect backdrop to engage in valuable conversations with admissions colleagues, professors, and current students. My favorite part of visiting college campuses, however, is meeting up with Lakeside alums. There is nothing more thrilling than seeing how our students have flourished in college — sometimes in unexpected, yet wonderful, ways. Whether it be discovering they have a green thumb, joining the women’s rugby team, switching from engineering to veterinary science after a life-changing intro class, or changing up their style as they explore their gender identity, the stories are myriad and joyful. 

These conversations also provide counselors with a valuable opportunity to learn more about the college process from a different perspective. And three months later, I’m still pondering something one of our alums shared with me: “I really wish I had focused a lot more on student life during the college process, not just academics.” This comment, along with recent student conversations about the culture of competition at Lakeside, resonated with me as a college counselor: in an attempt to solely pursue academic “prestige,” students can lose sight of the importance of “fit” and their own values.

As counselors, we see the tremendous pressure our students face playing out during their college process. This can lead to a culture where college decisions are equated with personal worth, and focus is placed on short-term goals that feel visible and immediate: comparing one’s college list to peers’ lists, collecting college acceptances for personal validation, and picking the “best” option for College Sweatshirt Day. We have noticed some concerning patterns: students telling us in April, “I don’t even know why I applied here” when referring to an acceptance; the average number of applications submitted by a Lakesider skyrocketing to just under 18; and even some alums noting that the school they are attending isn't quite what they expected out of their college experience. 

As we step into a new year, I encourage any families talking about college to remember the long-term goal: identifying schools that will support students in their ongoing academic, social, and personal growth for the next four years of their lives. And to do that, we must encourage students to be more introspective about who they are and what is important to them. In the hustle and bustle of a busy Lakesider’s life, we understand there is not much time to pause, take a break, ask about the “why” in addition to doing the “what.” But this exercise of pausing and reflecting is necessary—not just for the student’s personal growth, but also for the college process. Last year, the college counselors wrote a series of pieces about changing Lakeside’s culture around students’ engagement in co-curricular activities from an arbitrary checklist to an authentic and meaningful narrative. In the last article of the series, our director of college counseling, Ari Worthman, noted, “Across the countless ways that humans select other humans, [the] desire for authenticity is paramount.” 

The importance of centering student values cannot be overstated in the college process, as students have the agency to choose where they spend the next four years of their lives after Lakeside. So, what does it actually mean to choose colleges based on values and “fit”? The answer to this question is something that our team strongly emphasizes from the beginning of the process, all the way to Decision Day on May 1. Before the college process, however, here are some questions to get younger students thinking more deeply about themselves and their environment: 

Environment and lifestyle: What does your ideal weekend look like? Do you enjoy getting into the city, exploring the beautiful outdoors in the Pacific Northwest, or a little bit of both? When you have free time, how do you choose to spend it? What energizes you? 

Community and belonging: Do you like being a “big fish in a small pond” at Lakeside, where you see familiar faces every time you walk across campus, or do you want to be a “small fish in a big pond,” more anonymous in the crowd? What are some moments when you’ve felt like you belong, and what are some experiences where you have felt out of place? 

Learning style: What type of classroom setting have you enjoyed? Do you like seminar-style discussions where learning happens collaboratively and through frequent engagement, or larger lecture-style classes with less engagement where learning happens more independently through assignments and assessments? Do you enjoy group projects or independent work more? What have you enjoyed learning about and why? 

Identity and connection: How important is it to you that you see your identities (however you may define these) reflected in the learning community around you: the student body, faculty, and curriculum? Do you enjoy participating in an affinity group? Is there a place of worship you attend regularly that is a part of your weekly routine?

There are many colleges where students can receive an excellent education and set themselves up for success. However, the right environment is needed to thrive, which will look slightly different for each individual. In this shift towards values and “fit,” I hope students give themselves permission to prioritize themselves, their fulfillment, and their well-being. More than that, I hope that, in the development of self-knowledge and confidence, they begin to hear their own voice cutting across all the other noise. 

Bonnie Singh is a college counselor at Lakeside School.